I never met an evangelical...

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[Here's my caveat I locate myself in the evangelical tradition and even more so in what follows, tongue firmly in cheek]...

I never met an evangelical who...

...reads the bible enough ...prays enough ...spends long enough having a quiet times ...or feels they have enought QT's anyway ...isn't always quick to confess these slacker bible and prayer faults ...isn't reassured that they are not alone as a series of confessions follow each one revealing greater and deeper bible ignorance and prayer absence ...hears from God enough ...isn't a secret fan of quiche ...feels slightly uncomfortable when forced to dutifullly say some response like 'Amen' outloud in church ...doesn't view the tamborine with distinct suspicion ...doesn't love a good meaty bible sermon ...can't do realistic & convincing impressions of guilt, shame, and moral outrage!

[ok evangelicals out there - anything more you want to confess]