sexual fundamentalism?

1. Sexuality- I'm not gay but then i have a far from good handle on my sexuality. I can identify with the two states that Rob Bell identifies in his boo, "Sex God," that we can often fall into: animal or angel.

In animal state I can be feel terribly horny (in heat even!) and need sex for my own feel good release, it becomes about me and my sexual prowess, me and my need for sexual relief, it becomes something that dehumanises and depersonalises the experience from one of mutual giving to one of me taking (hidden behind a thin veneer). I don't even need to have sex with you to have sex with you to have sex with you, from porn to perving it can all be goin on in my head, making me feel good and not caring about anything else.

On the other hand in angel state i can denies i even have a sexuality - it must be about pure thoughts for a pure act of shining white holy love, all vestal virgin, marriage only, under the duvet, missionary position, lights out (procreation preferable). In my state of sexuality denial i can be just as guilty of selfish action, denying myself (physically, emotionally, imaginatively, vulnerability) to my wife, creating a mystique that perpertrates the sexual myth for others etc.

No wonder we as christians can be doubly screwed up when it comes to sex, feeling like an animal but having to act like an angel!

How do we live in the tension of being created higher than the animals yet lower than the angels rather than chosing to live in the extremes of excess or denial? Where does commitment come in? how can we be vulnerable & accepting of who we are and of each other -yet still challenge each otger in a way that doesn't make my sexual happiness an excuse to get what i want at the expense of someone else?

Having been married for 10 years i've wanted to get divorced several times so i'm not surprised about the barna research that shows in the USA the divorce rate is the same amongst christians & non-christians. There are all sorts of reasons for divorce but i know in my case my main motive has been a selfish one. The feeling that i can't take anymore or that someone else could give me more, or I don't want to give anymore - the price is too much and divorce is the way to avoid paying any more (well in one sense!).

Given that marriage still often happens in church what do we do to support those about to get married? How good is our pre-marriage counselling, if we offer it at all? What are our support networks like, who can we ask for help, pray, support? Can we confess and seek reconcilliation? Are we prepared to be challenged and listen to the wisdom of others who may have already experienced what we are going thru?

What is the point of the vows we take on our wedding day if we break them, wouldn't it be better to promise to stat together until one of us gets a better offer than until death do us part?

One final thought on sexuality - who of amongst us would give our right to a hetrosexual relationship